along came a great friend of mine who along the way was "falling in love with me" I was falling in love with him while we were friends. But then we began dating. It was fun loving almost everything I could ever dream of... but their was a little nagging in the back of my head that he was possibly not faithful. my ex had cheated but that was years earlier and I knew I had healed from that. dealt with it but I asked prayed with my pastor and they all thought it was me... that this was an awesome man of God. I got closer and we were planning a life together, buying a home... when we were close one evening he called me Samantha and he only ever calls me Baby. I swore he said it but he made me feel crazy ... and he told me to control myself and that he was not my ex. The next day though God revealed the truth as I prayed and was at work he someohow accidentally linked my number to Samanthas and I got all the texts that he was thinking about this ex and how incredible she was in bed and how he wanted her and wanted to meet up.. she flirted back and had initiated the contact and she said well I will think about it you have a fiance. My heart was so crushed and I confronted him devastated. He swore it was a temptation from satan and he would never have acted on it he just got carried away. we made arrangements to see a councellor christian and he left his phone around and I saw he was still texting her even though he deleted the messages I found them going into history. I could only see the contact but not the wordsvia sms... again i was devastated and broke it all off. He tried so hard to get me back and I agreed again to go to councelling not yet here.. waiting on the pastor... in the mean time I have good days and bad... sometimes he holds me and I feel loved others i cringe thinking of him holding her or wanting her or is he still sneaking behind my back. He gave me his password to phone bill cell and when I looked he thought it or said it would show me he has not contacted her but instead the current bill wasn't available so it showed the last 2 months prior and again more lies he would leave me and go home and call or text her he would text her or she him every lunch break every day and several evenings and several mornings. I was devastated all over again. He said I thought we were moving fwd and I said yes I would like to but tell me the truth all of it was this an ongoing relationship all thru our dating friendship and engagement? He said yes but only as friends... but he had friends in his phone - girls he would talk to in frt of me this one he didn't have in contacts and he would call her delete the messages and call log.... all lies and deception I have to admit -- I lost it in the midst of this horrible excruciating pain he said to me I can't take this anymore im done... hes done...?? He said he was not going to have to deal with my questions either we move fwd or brk up and he packed the few things he had at my home and started to leave. I went crazy in my pain and took his keys and said how dare you feel angry how dare you take it out yell at me for asking questions how dare you and I pushed him saying stop having it all about you!!! you did this to me... i never cheated i never lied you deceived and cheated and lied and still are--- I was sooo hurt!! I slapped him acros the face and pushed him and I have never in my life hurt anyone or anything before. I have never ever known pain like this please please God take the pain away and the anger and reveal all the truth now so I have no more surprises. You say you will only give me what I can bare - this is more than I can bear!!! Im devastated but it all happened so fast i go from love and devotion to finding all this out and I do not know how to walk away from him... I need God to show me what he wants for my life if he is to turn this around what satan meant for evil for good or if Manny will forever walk in lies and walk in deception he lied for over 10 months and still is.... I have no idea if it istrue he hasn't slept with her or others... as he says - I only know he lies. allowing me to check phone and getting a new number he has their numbers memorized. I asked him why he can't call me by my name and he said it comes out wierd with his accent so baby is all he calls me.. yet he can call her Samantha my name is Cassie or Cassandra.... He text another girl FB that she was beautiful ... I have discovered all this and do not know how to work or live my pain is overwhelming and suffocating. I need your peace and your love dear God. I can't focus at work and my boss's see it... I have to support my children and focus on them and work and I just can't pull myself out of the deep dissapointment and pain I am feeling the deception and desertion the lies and plans for a future. Please God heal the pain and the scars and let me not be resentful or untrusting. I so pray for a good christian husband and father please direct a man og God honest faithful who will treasure me be committed to me into our lifes in Jesus name I pray. Amen!
Healing, guidance, direction, closing doors need closing God to open doors that need opening. that this doesn't make me bitter or resentful and that I can trust again. That God will reveal all truth to me as he has here and that God takes Manny i give him to you God work him and mold him into the man you wish him to be. touch him he says he is a Christian and yet he lies deceives and cheats and plays games with a woman's heart. with my children's hearts as they grew close to him while he cheated and planned a life with me... he wanted his cake and eat it too!! I want a faithful committed man who will protect our love protect me not harm me not destroy my heart and soul. Oh please God heal my heart and send me a good Christian husband and father for my kids. Manny said because my oldest knew what he did he can not ever go see him... I said well perhaps you should have thought about all this before you did what you did. I know we are all sinners and that I am not perfect... I want to forgive and I just can not seem to trust him after all this and I do not know if God wants me to ... Manny says it is a new fresh start and gets angry if I have a doubt or fear or get scared or protective of my heart and body and ask for him to promise or reasure me he says it twas all said once hes not saying it again... but he said a lot of things that he never meant I need to know God's direction and have him deal with Manny and protect me an dheal me and heal my kids from the pain and dissapointment he has caused us all. Please God give me joy and peace and laughter again... give me a pure heart full of love and trust and make me like the woman in the bible proverbs 31 wife and give me a husband that loves me as God so loved the church.